The season I have been sitting in for over a year now has a theme word..."navigating." I noticed just now that "navigate" or "navigation" would not fit exactly right, because the present progressive tense indicates perfectly how I am constantly and necessarily on alert to avoid running into some large obstacles. My life is like a sailing journey, and like that Italian cruise ship captain who became infamous a few weeks ago, I often fail to consult the most basic maps that could help me steer.
My pride gets in the way. "I've been through something like this a thousand times! I know how to do it! I don't need any help!"
The truth is, God knows what He is doing in my life way better than I do. He keeps leading me through these obstacle courses that might seem boringly similar, but in fact my life keeps spiraling upward and outward and downward into a greater maturity and understanding of who I am and what my purpose is in Christ. For example, living in a dorm room at a Christian college for 4 years was a great experience in Christian community. One might assume that living in a men's discipleship house with 7 other guys would be boringly similar. Ha. How wrong that assumption is. It has shown me how inexperienced I am, where my greatest weaknesses are, and where even my strengths need encouragement and wisdom and boldness to be exercised correctly. Most of all, it has shown me that the unhealthy relational and emotional patterns that were ingrained in me growing up (either because of who my parents were or the choices I made in the past) will be endlessly repeated and rehashed in my new relationships, until God brings some measure of healing and restoration to my heart. The hurts and wounds in me that I am constantly trying to cope with, medicate or ignore are still there. They aren't just going to go away. In fact, they might just keep growing and creating bigger and bigger problems between me and the people around me unless I turn, address them directly, and ask repeatedly for God to fix them. It's humbling. Which is, I think, exactly what God wants.
So I noticed that navigating real life doesn't become easier. If I am doing well, it increasingly becomes a reminder of how I must rely on the Holy Spirit to guide and empower me.It becomes a reminder of how I must come to God in humility, seeking His path through unfamiliar terrain. If I am doing poorly, it becomes a stinging redirection as my own intelligence and my own strength fails me again and again when I try to pridefully conquer every obstacle.
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Your last thoughts in this post remind me of the end of Daniel. A conclusion that doesn't conclude until our perfection is attained.
ReplyDeleteDaniel 12:13 “As for you, go your way till the end. You will rest, and then at the end of the days you will rise to receive your allotted inheritance.”
I believe that a portion of our inheritance is available as soon as we are adopted into the family, and that is the part that is needed for this life now. The biggest part of that inheritance?: Holy Spirit. :) And that pain that drives you to redirect, refocus and remember, is the healing kind. It is, I believe the suffering that God uses to remove the splintering logs in our eyes and the to fully heal the broken bleeding places we covered with gauze. I pray that as you continue forward, seeing the healing power of Christ working and moving in your life, that you will be able to see that same power impact those around you. He heals for a greater purpose, as you know, and I pray specifically that you would see that power at work in such a way that as you grow in grace and experience whole life healing, you realize the ways in which God is using you in the midst to be a part of his plan to redeem the world. Be encouraged brother, that God loves you so much more than your brain can contain, and he is completing such a good work in you, you won't be able to keep it a secret!